Title: And You Peacemakers Go to the Same Place as Soldiers
Author's DW: splash_the_cat
Categories: episode related, Samantha Carter, character study, angst
Warnings: none
Author's Webpage: Moments of Adoration
Link: And You Peacemakers Go to the Same Place as Soldiers

Why This Must Be Read: It was one thing for Sam to discover that Jolinar's temporary possession of her body left her capable of using the healing device; in Seth, we see her badly shaken by her newly-found ability to use the ribbon device to kill. Julie gives us Sam in those days right afterwards, recovering from a disastrous mission in which she'd been forced to use the ribbon device again... and this time, with deadly consequences.

What follows, among the angst and anguish and struggle, is a fascinating character study into what makes Sam so wonderfully herself. There's her bitterness over Jolinar, and how the memories and emotions that the symbiote left behind are twisting her own feelings. There's her uncertainty of what she's become, and the knowledge of how she might have to use those abilities again. And there's the bulwark of her teammates' support, in every circumstance, ready to stand at her side when she needs them.



"Carter, you know how this works. You made the call you had to make-"

"Don't give me the good soldier crap, sir. This," Sam threw the device down onto the table, "this wasn't ever in the cards. NASA, going into space, finding ways to make a difference in the world with science, that's who I am... not this, not some freak with the power of a bunch of megalomaniacal aliens." She was too sick with what she'd done to quell what that tumbled free. "She felt it too, even though she was supposed to be one of the good guys, she had that power, liked using it..."

Sam gestured helplessly at the hand device. "It made her feel like I do when I fly. And that's part of me now, it's in me and it's never going to go away." Surprised by the shock creasing the colonel's forehead, she fell silent.

"I thought," he finally said, "you were okay with the Jolinar thing."

"I'll never be okay with Jolinar."

"It's just... I mean, you pushed about remembering the dreams, about contacting the Tok'ra..." He trailed off. "I had no idea."

"Well, that was the idea. Buck up, push on, do your duty..." Sam cringed at the bitter edge to her words, but she saw sympathy flash across his face just ahead of a sardonic smile.

"I thought you didn't want the good soldier crap, Carter."

She didn't tell him to shut up, tempting as it was. As she gathered up the hand device and placed it back in its storage box, he said, "There's going to be an inquiry."

"I know." Sam took a deep breath. "I killed one of our own people." The admission filled the room, crowding out any further discussion, and as she closed the box, the colonel turned to go.

"Carter," he paused at the door. "It may not be the last time that happens."

The storage box was heavy, and her hands shook as she put it away.